Boundaries Change and Policies Do Too!
What I'd love to be writing right now is a reflection piece on the previous year because honestly 2024 was kind of a banger year! I traveled, I took risks, I made friends, and generally lived a very full and enriching year. But to write a reflective piece, one that encompasses a whole year, a whole year that was very action packed for me personally and professionally, requires a good stretch of time to sit and contemplate. To... reflect. And while I had scheduled that time it was co-opted by other very important things (like unpacking my home due to unexpectedly moving house over Christmas).
There is one thing though I want to talk about and it's policies and boundaries and how they are meant to grow and change with you. They are yours, after all, and it's your job to ensure they fit. Like pants, you pick policies and boundaries that fit you and if they don't fit, you buy different pants. Or write new policies and boundaries.
When I opened my practice, quite frankly, I was sick of people who booked my time with no intention of committing to it. Where I previously worked there was no protection for staff income in the event of a no show (no call, no email, no fire at the signal towers, just an empty treatment table I prepared for you) and there were a lot more no shows there than I liked. I lost some $2000 annually in no show fees because I had no means of collecting that money and enforcing my policy. That's like, almost an entire month's rent! So when I opened my studio feeling pretty pissed off about lost income I wrote my cancellation policy like a bold brick wall. You book it you bought it, so to speak. If you canceled with 23.5 hours notice you were gonna be billed full pop regardless of your reasons for cancelling. And I enforced it every time.
But then someone called me just a few minutes before their appointment and they were clearly in significant distress. Between sobs my patient told me they weren't coming and to send them the bill. I was a bit shocked by their distress and went ahead with the billing numbly but in the back of my mind something stuck. A schism. I thought about this interaction for several weeks, perhaps a few months, and observed my policy in action. Not just my enforcement of it, but my communication of it and I realized... It didn't fit me.
I'm a generous, understanding, and compassionate person. When sh!t hits the fan for people I like to try and do my best to ease the burden where I can, to meet people where they are at if I can, and just be kind. I liked my policy because I didn't have to think about it, it was my policy and I would just enforce it, and yet here I was thinking about it. As I observed my communication about my policy I noticed changes in my heart rate, I would get tense and flustered, and I would stumble my words or try to soften the policy or make it sound like I wouldn't apply it.
But what good are boundaries and policies if you a) can't communicate them clearly and confidently and b) don't want to enforce them yourself?
It's important that the boundaries you set are boundaries you yourself are capable of keeping. This means not only knowing what behaviours you want and don't want to see, but also what you need in order to enforce the boundary or policy. Remember, boundaries and policies are not "you have to give me notice if you cancel your visit," rather they are "I will bill your credit card on file $x if you cancel your visit with insufficient notice." They are about what YOUR actions will be in response to someone else's actions. But you have to have the resources to enforce that and follow through on those actions and that includes the emotional or cognitive resources to do so. Otherwise you'll find ways to undermine your own policy/boundary because you yourself can not cope with enacting the consequences.
In my case, it meant feeling really sh!tty for a few months. It just didn't feel right. I don't know what happened to that patient that day and I don't need to. They clearly were going through something personal and awful and it felt incorrect to be billing full price for the missed appointment. It didn't feel better to bill nothing at all, though, and so I contemplated this and rewrote my cancellation policy for 2025. Why? Because pants are supposed to fit my body, not my body needs to fit the pants.
The New Cancellation Policy is: appointments canceled with less than 24 hours notice for any reason will incur a cancellation fee of 50% of the appointment cost. Appointments missed entirely (No Show) will incur a fee of the full cost of the missed appointment. Sending someone in your place waives the policy. Call, email, or text me to let me know you aren't coming. You don't have to tell me why, I don't need you to justify it, you just need to communicate it. That's it. Easy peasy.
This is a pair of pants that fits. It's easy for me to communicate, easy for me to enforce, and still protects my income while meeting people half way, which protects my morals.
Happy 2025, everyone. May we all have boundaries and pants that fit.
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